You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
