I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
