I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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