During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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