My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
