You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
