I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
