His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
