soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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