i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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