he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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