That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
