It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
