you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
