I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
