I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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