i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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