i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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