Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
