Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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