i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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