I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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