Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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