Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
