I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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