Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
