I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
