so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
