I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
