Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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