Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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