Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
