I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
