is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
