Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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