Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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