Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
