Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
