So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
