and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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