Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
