i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
