I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
