I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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