i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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