Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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