life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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