You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
