I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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