I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
